7.03.2016

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I've been thinking a lot today about my faith and membership in the church, because 17 years ago today, I was a new, baptized member of this church. 

 
{after my baptism -- 07.03.99}

July holds a special place in my heart as its when I was baptized at age 8, received my patriarchal blessing at age 14, and received my endowment at age 22. 

I sat in sacrament meeting today, thinking about getting up to bear testimony of my convictions and reflecting on my faith evolving over 17 years from those questions my Bishop asked me in an interview before being baptized. But I didn't get up. I felt like I'm broken in some ways and I probably would get up to that pulpit that seemed very daunting...a feeling I've never had about it...and sob. 

I'm not sure I've ever had a harder 10-11 months of life. I could go into that more, but I won't. More growing pains and heartache than I can put into words (and like I said, it usually comes out in sobs not words). Especially in the last couple months, I feel like I am having to lean on the faith of others more than I want to admit and trying to navigate through darkness almost seems like a lost cause. Most of the time, I feel like I am a lost cause. 

But I was reminded today, such a wonderful part of our church is the strength to be found in those around us. It is not weakness to lean on others when needed. Most especially, our Savior. The Savior was alone in Gethsemane and took on all of our pains, sins, fears, doubts, and weaknesses, so we could never be alone while navigating mortality. Our Savior recognizes even our smallest efforts we're trying to make each day. He is there with us always. While I don't know why everything is or happens the way it does and these hard times may not go away, I do know He is there with us all. All we need to do is draw near to Him and He will encircle us in the arms of His love. For that piece of knowledge, I am grateful beyond words. So I am going to keep leaning and hope that in the months and years to come of being a member of this true church will continue to show me what I am to become.

"God sees us as we truly are--and He sees us worthy of rescue. You may feel that your life is in ruins. You may have sinned. You may be afraid, angry, grieving, or tortured by doubt. But just as the Good Shepherd finds His lost sheep, if you will only lift up your heart to the Savior of the world, He will find you. He will rescue you. He will lift you up and place you on His shoulders. He will carry you home. If mortal hands can transform rubble and ruins into a beautiful house of worship, then we can have confidence and trust that our loving Heavenly Father can and will rebuild us. His plan is to build us into something far greater than what we were--far greater than what we can ever imagine. With each step of faith on the path of discipleship, we grow into the beings of eternal glory and infinite joy we were designed to become." --President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Hebrews 10:32-39

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your testimony, Catherine! Your faith in Christ is inspiring!

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  2. This is beautiful. I've felt similar to what you said before and sometimes still now. The not words but sobs stage of life and trials is H-A-R-D. Just know that other people have been there too. And ultimately, like you said, the Savior was there too. He knows. Thanks for sharing this!

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