2.08.2016

go and love yourself -- lexie from "courage, dear heart"

What's not to love about this girl? She's darling in every way. Lexie is another dear blogger friend and has been a part of this series for many years! I have always loved what she has to say and I was especially interested to see what she was going to say this year. I think she delivered, as she always does, don't you agree? Thank you for your honesty and humor, Lexie. You have incredible things ahead of you, as you've said! Check out her blog here!
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I can’t believe its February of TWO THOUSAND SIXTEEN! Where does the time go people?? I love that Catherine does the 14 days of love series. I read them every year and every year I feel like my outlook on love changes. The past 3 years my love was focused on a husband who was my entire world. I thought nothing would ever come between us. But something did. My outlook on love changed completely. I thought it was all a fake. Love wasn’t a real thing because if he LOVED me he wouldn’t have done the things he did. But he did, so love must be some made up thing that I will never have. And I thought “GOOD! LESS PAIN AND STRESS FOR MEEEE BYYYEEE FALICIA!” Divorce can make you think really crazy things. It took me months before I could find a new meaning of love. I came to realize that I had gone through something horrible, something I didn’t think I could survive. But would ya look at that… here I am writing a blog post about love J once again. But this year I would like to say I love myself and how much I love my Heavenly Father.
                
Now you are probably thinking “sheesh that sounded a bit vain” I know it does. Trust me I couldn’t say that sentence in my own mind for a LONG time. And now I’m typing it for lots of people to see and I still feel uncomfortable to say I love myself. I’m working on it though. It’s getting easier. This past year I have learned something very valuable. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Friends will leave, sometimes for no reason. You will be left feeling hollow and empty. Wondering how you could be so easily set a side after so many years of an incredible friendship. A marriage will end. Even though you thought your love was unbreakable. And then something incredible happens amidst the anger, heartache, and sadness. You learn how to carry on, on your own and still feel incredibly happy and content. Even though they made me feel un-loveable for a second. I came to realize that I was brave, and a lot stronger than I ever thought possible. My heart is still broken. It will take years before I will be able to heal from the bitter love, the love that chips away pieces of your soul you think will never be replaced. But I got up I went to work and I started to find love in other places.

                The unbreakable love that got me through the toughest year of my life was the love my Heavenly Father showed me. The pieces of your soul get filled up quickly and feel even better than it did before. Heavenly father knows what is best for you. It’s hard for me to understand why he removed so much from me last year, all I know is it means something even better is ahead. And things needed to be moved around so that I could get to where ever it is he needs me to go. And it’s so exciting. And in the middle of a whirlwind of loss of love I found so many new things I love SO much that I had no idea I could ever love this much.

I love the mountains so much, I love traveling (even if it’s only as far as my back yard I’ll take any kind of adventure I can get) I love capturing memories with my camera, or couples in love, or families filled with even MORE love. I love my family. They are my best friends. I love food. Especially cookies and pizza. I love church. Every Sunday is such a blessing. Especially with my new sunbeam teacher calling. Heavenly father knows me so well!! I love the friends who stayed by my side this past year. I know I was whiney, negative, and selfish some of time. But they gave me time to heal and helped and encouraged me along the way. That is true love. I love my Father in Heaven and know that He’s got a rockin' plan for me and I can’t wait to see where His love takes me next.


XOXO, Lexie

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