2.04.2014

"You Gotta Kiss De Giiiirrrl" -- Hannah from Joy in the Journey


This morning, we have Hannah from Joy in the Journey. She posted last year and I'm so glad she said yes when I asked her to post again. This cute lady and I were a year apart in school, but I always admired her...multi-talented, beautiful, smart, and hilarious! Maybe I shouldn't be checking my personal emails during my classes, because I couldn't help but laugh when I received her post...so witty. Hope you enjoy it!

Thank you, Hannah!!
...


A while ago, one of my girlfriends and I were laughing about how awkward kissing can be - how a lot of times, people say, “eh...kissing is weird and I don’t like it.”  Let me tell you something.  If you don’t like it, it’s probably because you aren’t doing it right, the significant other whom you are kissing is not as significant as they should be when you are kissing, or the person you are kissing isn’t doing it right.  Trust me.  I’ve been there.  There was once a time in my life when I said “eh kissing is okay...” No longer, my friends.  No longer.  Tis wonderful!!! So anyway, my friend and I continued to laugh and talk about what sort of things make a kiss a successful one.  We joked about what girls like and how guys should be in the kissing process.  We then joked about making a funny little instructional video for guys, putting it on Youtube, making millions of dollars from it going viral, and maybe even going on the Ellen show.  Well needless to say, that didn’t happen.  BUT we did organize our thoughts enough for me to throw together this cute little tips and tricks guide to how “You Gotta Kiss De Giiiirrrl.” 
 *insert the singing voice of Sebastian from the Little Mermaid here*





  1. Confidence.
Confidence is necessary.  A girl can tell when you are nervous - and it’s normal to be when you’re kissing someone for the first time, or even a new person for the first time - BUT!  You hide it.  While some girls may find it adorable and cute and endearing to see a boy nervous to kiss her, YOU WILL NOT BE THAT BOY.  You will be the boy who she remembers took control and who was a man!!  Because, if she is a classy girl (and I know that’s the only kind of girl you will be going after) she will wait for you to make the move.

  1. Body Language.
While that classy girl of yours is allowing you to make the first move, there are some sure tell signs to look for.  Most girls should know these signs in advance and know that you will probably be looking for them, so if she is not giving you the signs, she knows it and doesn’t want you to kiss her.  Simple as that.  If she is giving the signs she is very aware and does indeed want you to kiss her.  Do it!  Don’t make her wait.  Now.  Some of the hints or signs may include the following:  the classic “shy” lip-licking or bottom lip-biting while looking down, the glancing between your lips and your eyes when you are talking to her, the lingering hug, giggling when you’re hugging our cuddling - umm dead give away, the nose-to-nose touching, the head-to-head touching, and the ever familiar Hitch favorite...fiddling with her keys at the doorstep.  

  1. Approach.
So you know you’re gonna do it now.  Your mind is made up.  But how do you lead into it?!  Depends on the situation.  Are you sitting on the couch cuddling?  Are you at the doorstep?  Are you in the car?  (Please don’t be in the car.  That is so trashy for a first kiss.  Bleh).  Now.  I am certain the best way to explain some good lead-ins is to simply describe some scenarios.  
You have taken your girl on at least one date BEFORE and are walking her to her doorstep after not-the-first-date....and you have picked up on some signs that she wants you to kiss her.  Now analyze the vicinity!  Is the doorstep really well lit?  That can be awkward for a first kiss.  Some dimmed lighting or natural night-time darkness is probably key for a first kiss.  So you are analyzing: 

#1 Front porch is not well lit so you hit it up and hug it out.  Lingered hug while exchanging some laughs about the date, or inside jokes or you know, “I had a great time...” Now, still holding her you pull away just a tiny bit.  And instead of just going straight in for it, you continue giggling and such and put your forehead against hers.  Beautiful.  Now pause.  How is she responding?  Well?  Do it.   Do it.  DO IT!  Do iiiiit.   Nice and easy.  Slow.  Soft.  Don’t go crazy....stay classy.  Good work.  

#2 Front porch is way too lit up to make first kiss happen there.  So.  Instead, you walk up to the porch but sorta slow down before getting up there.  Grab her arm, down to her hand.  No hug.  Ya grabbed her arm, now do it.  This has the tendency to be the slightly more assertive approach.  Not as much of a lead in.  A little surprise, if you will.  A tad bit quicker maybe. Well done.  

#3 Dim lighting or a thousand suns blaring down on you, this approach has the potential to act as your very own stun gun on your girl.  I have three words for you that will change your life.  Hands on face.  Whether you move really really slowly so she anticipates it coming - making her lit-rally go weak in the knees - or you just “grab her face and kiss her and kiss the crap out of her” (gold star if you know what movie I’m quoting here), this is a dream come true kiss for any girl.  It has to be in one smooth motion though.  Don’t go up to her, stand there, put your hands on her face, then move in...no.  You control the speed, but still.  One motion.  


Now, these scenarios can be applied to any situation really.  Just be smooth.  

  1. Hands.
Now that we have discussed the hands on face concept...you’re wondering, “but what else do I do with my hands?!”  Good question, chap.  45.6% of the kissing experience is due to what goes on with the hands.  Such an important aspect.  Now don’t go freaking out...I’m not talking spicy.  Keep it clean, yo.  But whatever you do...do something.  Hands behind the neck, hands on the waist, hands in the hair, hands holding hands, hands in a hug...whatever!  And its okay to move, ya know?  Sheesh, don’t be stiff as a board.  We don’t want her thinking she’s kissing a corpse, now do we.  No.  

  1. Done.  
Well that was fun...and scary, but now what?  Now what, what??  Just smile and say goodnight and walk away.  Don’t say something dumb.  Pleeeeaaase don’t say something dumb, like “that was good” - kiss ruined.  Be chill.  Don’t giggle like a small school girl.  Keep it simple.  Remain the man that you are!!
Because, my friend, you are indeed a man.  ;) 
*fist pump* and HUZAAAAAHHHH!!


***NO, GIRLS ARE NOT CONSTANTLY CRITIQUING YOUR KISSING.  CHANCES ARE THEY ARE FREAKING NERVOUS TOO.  GOOF UPS HAPPEN, AND USUALLY THEY MAKE FOR GREAT STORIES TO SHARE ON YOUR WEDDING VIDEO INTERVIEW LATER ON.  
****EVERY GIRL IS DIFFERENT.
*****POSSIBLE PART II FOR GIRLS COMING SOON.  

1 comment:

  1. hahaha I loved this it was really such amazing advice for guys! (and girls to read too honestly) haha. Loved the She's the Man quote and loved the Mindy Project pic!! (omg -- Mindy and Danny!).

    ReplyDelete

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