9.01.2013

four

A very belated happy fourth anniversary to my little blog.



Four years ago, I was embarking on a new adventure: 
the start of my undergraduate career at the University of Utah.

I named my blog and wrote my very first post while we stayed at a hotel in Park City. 
A last family hoorah before I moved to campus and started a new chapter of my life.
I sat out on the balcony and looked up at the countless stars.
I remember hoping so much for my future, 
thinking about everything that would happen
and writing down goals for my life.

Sure, I knew I would graduate from the University of Utah, maybe working as a pediatric nurse, and I thought by now I'd be married...I wasn't sure to who, but a few guys have definitely proved to not be what I think I should have in a spouse.  I thought I'd serve a mission, but it wasn't in the Lord's plan for me for this time in my life. As hard as that was to accept. 

Never did I think I'd be so busy between taking many credits each semester and working at the Church Office Building through my undergrad while being a Lambda Delta Sigma officer for nine months and then Relief Society President for a long eight months afterwards. Never did I think I'd sort of lose touch with some of my high school friends and then form lasting bonds with my college friends, some of those friendships can only be described as eternal. Never did I think I'd graduate in Speech-Language Pathology {first feelings of love for my major} and be getting my Master's Degree in Medical Speech-Language Pathology, much less moving to Washington {first real thoughts of uw} for that degree, in four years from that night!

Never did I dream or think of any of that!

But the Lord has made much more of my life than I could've ever dreamed that August night four years ago. Despite many hardships of the past four years I won't even begin to disclose here, I feel I am the luckiest and most blessed girl!

Why did I have some sad moments this week, then?

I missed the season opener game for the first time in four years. I only have four more days of my job of the last three years, three months, five days. I will be in my new city and state in twelve days. I start graduate school in twenty four days. 

Most people ask me, "Are you sad? Are you excited? Are you nervous?"
I just respond, "Yes."
Truly, it is all of the above.

One would think I am out of my mind and freaking out, but I am not. But I do have sad moments, like I did this week, where I am probably close to freaking out. In those moments, I find peace and reassurance in the feeling that I am on the path the Lord wants me to be on, I am doing what He wants me to do. 

My dear Stake President read this poem at a farewell for one of my childhood friends in our ward last week and tears started streaming down my face when he read it. I know I am not serving a mission, but it felt so applicable. I am leaving a life I know and jumping into something I completely don't know. I won't constantly be surrounded by neighbors and friends who share my beliefs. I won't be able to walk into my mom and dad's room late at night and share my heart of hearts with them. I won't be able to take my siblings on sibling dates and late night adventures. I won't be in a program with familiar professors and friends.

But, 

"Two questions [plague] my mind: Do I want the life that's up ahead or the one I left behind?"

The life that's up ahead is my resounding choice...
I know it is where I am supposed to go, as hard as it will be. 

This is the knowledge getting me through all of this: I know I am a child of God, a daughter of God. He has sent me here, given me an earthly home with parents {and siblings and grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles} kind and dear. He is leading me, He is guiding me. He walks beside me. When I am feeling alone or lost, He helps me find the way. I am constantly being taught all that I must do so that I can attain my greatest goal--to live with Him someday.

Can't wait to see what the next year, the next two years of graduate school, and the next four years brings into my life. Thanks to all of you for your support and love. I have been kind of wishy-washy about keeping this blog public as I move {and I can't promise I will stay public}, but I honestly can say some of your friendships and kindnesses over the past four years have made my day and helped me feel like I am not alone in some of my wackiness, my obsessions, my tenderness of heart, a love of life, and the love of my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ.  

One of my favorite talks I have read/listened to countless times is found here. I love the end where he talks about building your life as a monument to Mormon Perserverance, a monument to the Lord. Elder Holland's words are always so stirring. 


Sound advice for all of us, don't you think?

1 comment:

  1. i needed this post so much. i seriously can't thank you enough. i have been going through what i can only call a rough patch. i was supposed to be leaving on my mission next week, but have postponed it due to personal reasons. lately, i have just felt lost, alone, and on the verge of breaking. it is so easy to forget that our loving Heavenly Father is right there beside us ALWAYS. That His plans for us is greater than anything we could come up with by ourselves. I just need to have faith, and trust in Him. Let Him guide me, and help me through this hardship. Just thank you.. this is wonderful.

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