8.08.2013

some thoughts on cafe lalo and a resolve to be kinder.

my cousin lives in new york right now for graduate school and i plan to go there to visit her one day. i'd love to see a broadway play, go to serendipity's, go to the manhattan temple, see all of the main attractions and sites, and then of course, go on a "you've got mail" city tour. meanwhile, i just watch it at least once a month to satisfy my new york longings.


zing•er (ˈzɪŋ ər) - a striking or amusing or caustic remark

one concept/scene particularly stood out to me recently was the scene where kathleen kelly finally takes out her zingers on joe fox. the next morning, she discusses with her coworkers possibilities of why her mystery internet man didn't show up. feeling hurt, she writes NY152 in an email, 

"I have been thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you and you weren't there. I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish. And as I waited, someone else showed up, a man who has made my professional life a misery, and an amazing thing happened -- I was able, for the first time in my life, to say the exact thing when I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards, I felt terrible. Just as you said I would. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel. And even though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man -- to him, I'm just a bug to be crushed -- but what if it did? No matter what he's done to me, there's no excuse for my behavior. Anyway, you are my dear friend, and I so wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a good reason for not being there last night, but if you don't, and if we never really connect again, I just want to tell you how much it has meant to me to know you were there."
 
i had a wonderful saturday evening with one of my dear friends at the draper temple, then some dinner at cafe rio afterward. it was such a great experience until we arrived in her driveway. we sat and talked for a long while, then out of nowhere, she zinged me about something that happened months ago, something i didn't even really think about or know that i ever did. it bothered her, however, and she zinged me really good. i've been feeling terrible ever since and i wondered if she felt the same way or if it had been forgotten. i apologized to her for this wrong (something i had not been aware of until that moment and it was unintentional too, which maybe made the sting even greater) and she accepted the apology. i need to work on letting it not affect me so much, but i'm a sensitive person, it's just who i am. i came home and cried to my mom about it for a while and i felt it had ruined the whole night, then she told me, "well, i guess it's just a good reminder for you. don't let it bring you down though." so, one good thing is that it's made me even more aware of the things i say and  i don't want to be the giver of any mean zingers to anyone. no one is perfect at this all of the time, but i want to be better at it.

on the flipside of zingers, 

what would it be like if we could say kind things in the exact moment we want to say them?
what if we acted on those kind thoughts and said them aloud to those around us?
what would it be like if we could kindly be honest?

what are some of the words left unsaid and actions left undone?
i think many of us, me included, would be making apologies like these...


 apologies for lashing out irrationally, for expecting more love than the person could give, and for harboring bad feelings and expecting thank you's. apologies for not doing enough or not saying enough. apologies for not seeing the best in others. apologies for trampling on someone's light. apologies for letting foolish sense govern your actions, when it should have been both a logical decision and a matter-of-the-heart decision. apologies for giving space when told it was necessary and from the person who retreated even further. apologies for friendships and relationships lost.

and many other things could be added to this list.

 don't always let yourself get caught up in what makes sense logically--act with both logic and heart. don't be embarrassed to show love towards others--to show, give, receive love. don't hold back the nice words, the nice zingers. always act in love and try to hold back on those mean zingers, if at all possible. i'm definitely not saying you should let people be cruel and walk all over you all of the time, but i'm definitely saying we're never perfect and  i'm glad for the reminder recently that the tongue has the power to crush or to build others. 

what would you rather be doing?

i hope to be better at building others up. 

2 comments:

  1. You are wise beyond your years! This was such a beautiful piece. Thank you for your Christlike example, as well as the challenge to bring about more "nice zingers."

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  2. nyc is the best! i'm already looking forward to the day i return. and the day i return after that. i've had an experience with the flip side of zingers. someone once just randomly sent me a compliment via text. so out of the blue and so very appreciated. it really made me think about the importance of saying nice things more often and saying them OUT LOUD. we so often think kindly of others, but we never tell them!

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