9.16.2012

crazy, stupid.


out of nowhere, it hit me. 
that unexpected, out-of-the-blue kind of thing.
i smile.
i over-analyze.
i feel down. 
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.
one day, i made myself be brave, vulnerable.
i did what i didn't think i would do, what i didn't want to do, initially.
and after what seemed like forever, it was accepted, 
with what i thought might be hesitant undertones. 
then it seemed it was more happily and willingly.
my heart catches, chinks, goes into over-drive.
so unlike me to be so bold 
and i feel so nervous and self-conscious and stupid.
what is it that is making me feel so crazy?
now to go back to worrying myself sick.
oh, to patiently wait. 

2 comments:

  1. Way to be vulnerable! I know how hard it can be! It reminds me of the movie We Bought A Zoo where he says, all you need is 20 seconds of courage. Or 15 seconds... something like that.

    And you did that! Now no matter the outcome, as you patiently and maybe nauseously wait, you will know that you have been COURAGEOUS! And that's most important :)

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  2. what a perfect description of emotion. props to you for putting yourself out there and letting yourself be vulnerable. YOU DID IT. you can do anything now.

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