there are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice. - f. scott fitzgerald

a week ago, i was shocked to hear the news that the mother of one of my friends from high school passed away. she was one of the most kind-hearted women i have met. she always had a sweet smile and a hello after choir concerts or musicals or awards ceremonies or graduation. i will never forget when he was on his mission, i had written him a letter and it had been sitting on my dresser for over a month, so i finally called to get his address. his mom answered and sounded very tired, but we talked for about ten minutes and she asked me what i was up to, how i was doing, and even when i asked about how she was doing, she turned the conversation back to me and my life. i remember getting off the phone and crying about how truly kind and genuinely interested she was in me even though she was so sick.

a week ago, i sent my friend a text a few minutes after i found out about his mom. at the end of this long text, i wrote, "love ya." like i normally write to my friends and you wanna know what the stupid thing is? i remembered that i had written that later that evening and for a moment, i was mad at myself for writing that. but then i thought, my friend has just lost his mother for goodness sakes. anyone and everyone always needs a little love in their lives. it's true that for a few winter months during my junior year in high school, i had a little crush on this boy (like apparently everyone else in high school had a crush on him), but that faded away quickly into simple respect and amiability. isn't it funny how love can change forms like that and how many different kinds of love there are (romantic, platonic, eternal, sisterly, brotherly, friendly, etc.)?

just to name a few kinds i've been experiencing lately:

forgiveness from a dear friend after letting unkind and selfish thoughts spill out. talking to a professor about her daughter and how much she loves her.  a cute black dog that welcomes you every time you come through the back door with a doggy smile and crazy tail wagging. looking at pictures of my grandparents when they were young newlyweds. letting some friends call me cathy even though i've always hated it. being with guy friends from high school on a saturday night and talking to them about the love they had for their missions and their goals and aspirations. still being able to feel that love i've tried to bury for a few years and seeing glimmers of hope that it may even be realized in a few months...it's scary and exhilarating. my parents taking the time to listen to me cry about all of my worries and fears. my sister sewing a pillowcase to take for her secret sister at girl's camp this week. my brother's laugh while we watch finding nemo. going to church on sunday and being spiritually fed by wonderful leaders and friends.

listening to children talk about their dear mother and sing beautiful songs to honor her life and memory.

a week ago, i knew again, as i always have known, that love continues on from our loved ones and they still influence and guide our lives, even after they have passed away. i think we will always have a hole in our hearts when someone close to us passes away that somehow never gets filled by anything or anyone else in this life, but how sweet it will feel to see them again and i know that in time, all of our wounds will be mended, because of our Savior's infinite sacrifice. i believe He atoned for our sins and He was not found in the tomb on the third day, because He had risen. i believe that through Him, physical and spiritual death are conquered. how grateful i am for this knowledge and for the ability we have to love and to be loved. it truly is a privilege and something we can't take for granted. seize the opportunity to fall in love with as many people, places, and past-times as you possibly can.


  1. thank you so much. this is exactly what i needed to hear today. exactly. you are wonderful.

  2. i want us to become real life friends. that's all. you rock at writing. i love that you write your thoughts. they are gems.


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