4.28.2012

Sam...it's nice to meet you.


"What if someone you never met, someone you never saw, someone you never knew was the only someone for you?"

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Tonight we were at dinner with some of my dad's side of the family for my uncle's birthday. While food was tossed and diced and cooked in front of us, my cousin and I discussed college, our classes, our majors, different things we had liked about this semester and how quickly it had gone. How quickly it had gone. Then we were all talking about graduate school...which could be here or a new adventure somewhere else...and all other future plans. The past few months, I have been thinking and worrying a lot about this future, making decisions and thinking about all the decisions I have in the next year.

I was reading in my turquoise and lime green journal from ninth grade last week and I had written about how I thought I would be married on a beautiful spring day--April 20, 2012, how I wanted to go on a mission to somewhere in Europe, and a million other things I thought I would have done by the time I reached almost twenty one years old.

I had been feeling for a long time that everyone around me has been moving on, but I felt I was staying still and it was such a struggle for me to get past feeling like everyone was just waiting for me to do something exciting with my life. After reading these journal entries, it made me grateful for all of the ways I have been progressing in all aspects of my life and my life is exciting--every single day is such a gift and blessing.

Even in just the past year, my feelings, personality, and spirit have changed and matured from what they were. I feel much closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior. I feel an increased love and respect for my siblings and parents. I feel closer to graduation (even though it's still a year away) and I feel more grown-up. I feel so much more excitement about graduate school and the day that I will be a speech language pathologist. I feel more love and gratitude than I ever have before. I realize my insignificance, but my capabilities to do great things if I have faith. I finally realize that I'm moving on every day...just in a way that may not be measurable or comparable to many of my peers and friends.

...and despite how hard it is to believe at times,  I am moving closer to you.

The more I've thought about you, the more I'm beginning to think we will have had no past. No history--no previous conversations or dates. I think it's going to be all fresh and new. Maybe not. I don't know everything, but I do know you will be the someone I have a future with...a future that extends into the eternities.

I hope that when I do meet you, it will be one of those "Sam...it's nice to meet you." moments.

One of those moments where we feel incredibly comfortable and incredibly intimidated at the same time. It could be in the next month, the next year, or years down the road. It's been so interesting to see the way things have unfolded in a way that I never planned on, but I can tell you one thing--it has all been so much more amazing than what I wrote about when I was fourteen.

So for now, I will continue to move and progress to become a better person for that moment, our moment.

2 comments:

  1. i feel like we are living the exact same life right now. a year from graduating, feeling as though everyone and life in general is passing us by, big life changing decisions ahead of us. i have also grown a lot in the past year, grown closer to christ and into my true self. my favorite part of your post was this: "i finally realize that I'm moving on every day...just in a way that may not be measurable or comparable to many of my peers and friends." it was that statement that helped me realize i am doing the same. i am growing and doing good things daily. i may not be dating my future husband or planning for the birth of my frist child but i am doing things and i am living a good life. thank you for helping me realize that. while i too often let the fact that i am not dating or anywhere near marriage bother me and bring me down, i also realize that the things i am going through now and the things i am learning are preparing me to be that much better of a girlfriend/fiance/wife/mother someday. it has been a hard realization to come to, but it has come and i am grateful that i am still single. being single now only means i will greater appreciate the day it finally happens. one of my favorite concepts/quotes is: be the person you want to marry. that is all we can do at this time in our lives. become who we want to be with.

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  2. hi, i am new to your blog. i found you via kylee ^^ and i quite enjoy what you have to say.

    i love this post. i really use to think i was the only one who felt so lost and confused at times. today in church and in my own study it really hit me how god uses our challenges to make us stronger and better people. i have been so conflicted about dating and love and school and life and today a returned missionary shared this poem and i loved it.

    The tree that never had to fight,
    For sun and sky and air and light,
    But stood out on the open plain,
    And always got it’s share of rain,
    Never became a forest king,
    But lives and dies a scrawny thing.

    The man who never had to toil,
    To gain and farm his patch of soil,
    Who never had to win his share,
    Of sun and sky and light and air,
    Never became a manly man,
    But lived and died as he began.

    Good timber does not grow in ease,
    The stronger the wind, the stronger trees
    The farther sky, the greater the length
    The more the storm, the more the strength,
    By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
    In tree and men good timbers grow.

    Where thickest lies the forest growth
    We find the patriarchs of both.
    And they hold counsel with the stars
    Whose broken branches show the scars
    This is the common law of life.
    Douglas Mallock

    isn't that awesome? ok, sorry to get on a soap box, it appears kylee and i have a lot to say on this topic.
    anyway....great post!

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