12.16.2011

It's Friday {After Finals} I'm in Love!

"Let your soul stand ajar, always ready to welcome the ecstatic experience."
-Emily Dickinson-

Instead of telling you what made me happy this week (I think finishing up the semester sums it all up, right?), I just wanted to share some of the things I have been thinking about this week. 

Last night, I sat in my high school auditorium for my sister's junior high choir concert. I looked around at the faded yellow-ish bricks and the very high, white spackled ceilings. I felt the hard fabric chair beneath me and I thought about times that I sat in that auditorium, mainly the times when I was there for my own choir concerts. I thought about anxiously waiting to get on stage and sing with the choirs I was in. It took me back to what my life was about four years ago. Around this time of year, I was sixteen and a half. I was doing all that I could to keep up on three hard AP classes along with everything else. I was feeling confused about a lot of things going on my life. I was totally head-over-heels, starry-eyed crushing on two guys that ended up hurting me in ways I could have never foresaw at the time.  I was blind to the ways they actually treated me and talked to me and in my mind, I made it seem like it was okay. It wasn't. By the end of my junior year, I felt completely burned out and crushed. I felt like I didn't have anyone to count on, besides my amazing family. Though I worked hard and I did really well in my classes, I felt like it wasn't going to pay off in the end. I didn't care to associate with people that just brought me down all the time. I was completely done in with ever falling in love again. During the summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I did a lot of crying and soul-searching.

And then, I started to come into my own.

I started to only say things if I genuinely meant them. I started to only be with people that helped me become better, not make me feel worse about myself. I started to learn that I didn't know all there is to know about love, but that it's okay to fall in love and it's okay to get hurt, but you have to move on from that hurt and let it change you in a positive way. I started to learn that it's better to be faithful and trusting rather than living in fear and doubt. I started to know that you sometimes have to let go of what you thought you wanted to get what you deserve. I started to know that working hard brings the best feelings in the end. I started to remember that I have always been and I will always be loved.

And you know what?

I was suddenly in love with my life and I still am in love with my life!

Because of the things I started to learn, I was truly happy my senior year and I have generally been very happy ever since. We all have our days (I know I certainly do), but I have learned that it's most important to wake up every morning and let yourself have the opportunity to find joy in your day. If you don't let it in, then know that you will always have the chance to find it the next day and the next.

The older I get, the more I realize that I don't know anything...about anything. When I think I have it figured out, I learn something new or I learn that I may have had it all wrong. There's still so much for me to learn and experience. These are a few of the things I do know of a surety, right this very minute. 

I know that filling your heart with love for those around you and letting yourself find love in everything is the most important thing to learn to do in life.

I know that it's important to remember to have some self respect and move on from letting people bring you down. It's best to be with people who will give you support, comfort, and understand you when you least deserve it and when you most deserve it.

I know "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

I know that there is a God, a loving Father who loves us immensely. He knows us personally and He cares about our lives.

I know that hard work (and lots of it) pays off. Being busy is much better than being idle.

I know that my family brings me great joy.

I know that every classmate, friend, or associate I have ever known has affected me in some way, for good and bad. Because of them, I have tried to become a stronger and a better person.

I know that I can do hard things.

I know that there's a future awaiting me that's better than anything I can imagine right now.

Lastly, I know that life is not about the politics, the popularity contests, the "show", the connections, the name dropping, the ladder climbing. It's about being genuine. It's about being genuinely concerned for others, genuinely interested in learning and working, and genuinely invested in your beliefs. Just becoming the most genuine, wonderful version of you. And that is the most important thing I want to strive to do in my life.  

4 comments:

  1. ha, yes! i love that you incorporated the eleanor roosevelt quote ;)
    xo TJ

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  2. I love this post. It totally sounds like something I could have written. My life in high school vs. now=way different. It's funny how the older we get the more knowledge we accumulate, but that knowledge makes us realize how little we actually do know. Even though know more than we did to being with :)

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  3. Hello, you are not only reminiscing you are learning from your past and now presently find yourself appreciating all you have and will have. I think you are on a great path. Always be grateful and always know that people expect the best from you.

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  4. Darla you are amazing. One day I will say to you see I told you so. For now, I will only say you are quite the gal!

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Thanks for making my day!

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