8.11.2011

Sum up.

I was looking at the "Edit Posts" tab on Blogger and I realized I had a lot of drafts. Things I had written, but never posted. Things that I wanted to write about, but didn't finish. Things that I wrote in frustration. You get the picture. But as I was cleaning these drafts up and reading them again, I realized that they sum up a lot of my summer. Not all of it, of course. But I thought I'd finally share these thoughts of mine from the past couple months.

5/28/11:

Love is like a shooting star, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash it's gone.

5/30/11:

Live life as if it were created for you. -Maya Angelou

6/14/11: Things that made me happy today.

-When I was walking out of the Conference Parking garage today and walking over to my building, I first smelled hot donuts. Then I smelled laundry detergent. Then I smelled mountain air. All good smells. (This week is the last week I'll be walking to and working in the actual Church Office Building. My department is being moved to a new building and I'm actually quite sad about it. Change can be good though, right?)
-Sunshine. Especially in the early morning. The temperatures have been perfect this week.
-Planting flowers and playing basketball with my family last night when I came home from my ward's FHE.
-Going to lunch with my grandparents at the Nauvoo Cafe.
-50% off Sale Items at Gap

PS: My job can make me just laugh a lot of the time. I see the weirdest names of towns and people and things all the time. But today, I felt a little disturbed when I was adding the address of "Kickapoo Ave" for someone. Then there is a place in Florida called Boca Raton. Any Spanish speakers out there...anyone? Anyone? That means Rat Mouth. (I learned Raton to be Rat). Just think of that image. Hope you aren't eating anything right now.

6/16/11:

the best kinds of songs are love songs. // i feel so peaceful and happy with life right now.

6/23/11:

sleepless in seattle soundtrack is probably one of the best soundtracks. i grew up with it and i simply love it.

6/27/11: MC ClapYoHandz

Shawn comes up with the best nicknames for Gus on "Psych". Just read this list and laugh:
Die Harder, Matt, Bighead Burton, Fingers, Homeskillet, Big Baby Burton, Burt the Billowy Bear, Curtis, Blackstar, Chocolate Columbo, Magic Head, Spellmaster, SuperSmeller or SuperSniffer, Slicks, Peter Panic, Gus T.T. Showbiz (The Extra T is for Extra Talent), Ovaltine Jenkins, Schoonie “U-Turn” Singleton, Vernest Lambert Watkins, Bud (from “The Cosby Show”), Nick Nack, Bruton Gaster, Lavender Gooms, Lemongrass Gogulope, Squirts MacIntosh, Weepy Boy Santos, Stewart Lee, Dr. Mc (Khoesan tongue clicking sounds) Took, Fran├žois, Galileo Humpkins, Gus “Silly-Pants” Jackson, Fearless Guster, Shmuel Cohen, Methuselah Honeysuckle, Shutterfly Simmons, Paddy Simcox, Chesterfield McMillan (and wife), Felicia Fancybottom, Tan, Ernesto Agapito Garces con y a de Abelar, Longbranch Pennywhistle, Scrooge Jones, D’Andre Pride, Hummingbird Saltalamacchia, Wally Ali, Art Vandelay, Dequan “Smallpox” Randolph, Trapezius Milkington, Sterling Cooper, Burton “Oil Can” Guster, Hollabackatcha, Jazz Hands, Gus Brown, John Slade, Detective Miles, Greg, Doughnut Holschtein, Ron Davis, Bob Adams, Harry Munroe, Rich Fingerland, Black Magic, Cheswick, Shawn, Magic Eight Ball Head, Shaggy Buddy Snap, Ghee Buttersnaps aka “The Heater”, The Vault of Secrets, Clementine Woolysocks, Pinky Guscatero, Guts, Ol’ Ironside, Old Iron Stomach, Bruce Lee, John Jacob Jingley-Schmidt, Santonio Holmes, Deon Richmond, Gurton Buster, Chaz Bono, Chocolate Einstein, MC ClapYoHandz, Sher-Black-Lock, Mrs. Whittlebury, G-Force, Mellowrush, Crankshaft, Sammy, Joey Bishop, Slick Fingers, Imhotep, Control Alt Delete, The Jackal, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Donut Holestein, Yasmine Bleeth,  Lodge Blackman, Gus Jay Gupta, “Reginald G-String, AKA Crowd Pleaser”, Fingers, Cinderella, Gasty.

I laugh everytime Shawn introduces Gus. And of course I am like George McFly when I laugh.

7/12/11: Someone is thinking about you.

Over the years, I've heard a lot of silly things that mean "someone is thinking about you". For example, it means someone is thinking about you everytime you scratch your nose. Or it means someone is thinking about you when a street light flashes on as you walk by. And Hope just told me that when the clasp to your necklace is showing in the front, someone is thinking about you. Have you heard about all of these things?

Well, lately...I've had a lot of this kind of stuff happen. Nose scratching, light flashing, necklace clasp showing kind of stuff. And I hope that someone far away knows I'm thinking about them too...whether it's when they scratch their nose or in a moment when a streetlight flashes as they walk by. I'm positive this person doesn't wear necklaces...but if this person did, the clasp would be showing in the front all the time.

7/14/11: Dumbledore Wisdom

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. -Albus Dumbledore

Probably one of the best quotes ever.

7/20/11: All of this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.

I've been thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you, and you weren't there. I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish. As I waited, someone else showed up. A man who has made my professional life a misery. And an amazing thing happened. I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel and I'm never cruel. Though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man. To him, I am just a bug to be crushed. But what if it did? No matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior. Anyway I so wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a good reason for not being there last night. You don't seem like the kind of person who'd do something like that. The odd thing about this form of communication is you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings. So, thanks. -Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan), "You've Got Mail"

7/23/11: Strength.

Give me strength to be a better person, to help others, and to see things and people as they truly are.

7/25/11:

A lot is on my mind. Where do I begin?

8/2/11:

VENT:pleasedon'tkeephavingyourfamilykeeptextmewhenijustwanttobefriendsandonlyfriends.unlessihearitfromyou,i'mnotconvincedofit.stopleadingpeopleon.stopbeingselfish.beamanandtakeresponsibilityforyouractions. andgetoutofmydreamswhileyouareatit. youaredisturbingmysleep.

8/3/11: Excuse me while I have a pity party.

Sometimes in life, you have days [weeks] where you just want to throw in the towel and/or run away. This past month would be one of those "sometimes in life" months.

Despite all of my mostly positive talk on my blog, I feel spread VERY thin most days and I end up crying a lot. I don't have the energy to exercise like I should and I don't have enough hours in the day to get enough sleep and do everything required of me...meetings upon meetings upon meetings, chores, work, studying for school (yes, I'm already studying for my fall classes that start in less than three weeks), and many other things. I try to fit in a social life in there sometimes too, but even that is sparse. ( Did it sound like I was dating someone? I had a lot of questions and comments about that and the answer is: Nope. Just been going on a couple dates with a few different people. One of which dug a hole for himself and I put him in my I-only-ever-want-to-be-friends-with-you category over the course of two weeks. The other I don't think I have feelings for, but he's a nice friend.) I really feel so inadequate and like I'm failing at all relationships with my family, my friends, my ward members, and especially my Heavenly Father. I'm pretty sure a lot of people hate me right now and I know my immune system hates me right now.

I haven't taken one day off work this summer, besides last week when I had Thursday and Friday off. I'm more than ready for a vacation, but I don't think that will happen. Though my job is part time (20-24 hours a week), it still is a lot of work. I don't know how I'm going to keep working and do school and do my calling. But I'll have to do it and I will do it.

Today, my boss came into my office to check on me and she asked me about school and what my work schedule will be like when school starts. And she always knows exactly how to make me tear up and remember this: I can do anything if the Lord is on my side. She is such a wonderful lady and a fantastic example to me. I'm blessed to have a job and to have her in my life. I'm blessed with great people and experiences and opportunities in my life. Things will work out. Pity party=over. Sorry you had to endure that.

8/4/11:

Weird....weird....weird date. Weirded out. Freaked out. Weird. Tired.

8/10/11:

Was this all real? I certainly hope it was and I hope it still is real. Or that I will find something equally real and wonderful and incredible one day soon. I don't think I could fake this kind of love.

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